Evry night before i shut my eyes , i hope not to meet ue in that world..
Even, For evry time i shut my eyes , be it in the day or night , I pray to let ue go off from the other world ,
to stop bothering me...
Evry time i wake up , I do not want to think abt ue..
Ue have made me feel different...
ue made me feel weak..
Ue made me think that this love is just sick...
Ue r not supposed to be here with me...
It is sick to look at ue...
It is sick to even listen ur name..
I am not sick because of hatred..
But I am sick for i let ue enter my life..
Without anyone noeing , particularly me...el guilty...
It seems to ruin that friendship that we have built before...
I miss the bond..
I miss the happiness..
I miss evrytg that we both did during our friendship days...
Ue dun belong here in my heart..
Bt ue belong to someone else..
I noe for evrytg that i m gg to do , I will nvr get ue here...
I will owaes tear for ue evryday...
Ue killed me! Ue killed my soul!
What is happening?
I feel bad,I feel guilty...
I have nvr felt this wae?
Is this what love means...
I can't hold my tears back again!
Evry single dae...
Whenever i look at ue , It owaes tear me..
I m trying to be me infront of ue but i feel that there's ntg that i can do but to tell myself that 'I HATE UE IN MY LOVE LIFE!'
but it doesn't seem to help..
It onlii helps to make me teared n makes me love ue more!
Maeb i should stop it..
N maeb i should just let myself go from this..
Im sorry but i realii miss ue loads..
I have been meeting ue evry single dae..
Evry single time in the other world..
Wish Ue Can listen to my heartbeat..
For it keeps calling for ur name..
Hope this is not love...
My heart beats Onlii for ue..
Goodbye!
Come back onlii as a fren..

It's been weeks since we last met...
It's been weeks since we last have a proper talk...
It's been weeks since we last feel love towards each other...
It's been hard for the both of us...
Indeed..I am sorry for the all the mistakes i have done towards ue..
Ue have been a great guy..
Thinking of ue whole dae long will drive me crazy...
Ue have been loyal...Ue r owaes afraid of losing..
Sometimes i tot i dun deserve ue at all..
But i dun understand the reason i can't leave ue...
No matter how much i am hurt,i tend to be patient...
We lack in understanding n trust...
To love you for near to 2 years 8 mths have not been ez...
To have myself in ur life when ue r still being haunted by ur past...
I will never want to let go of all my sacrifices n patience for you that i have put in for ue all these while..
Oh boy!imy!damn much...
hope to meet ue soon..
n I m sorry for evrytg...
I am afraid of losing ue n I m afraid of loving ue more...
I am fraid to continue this relationship if it will hurt us both..
blaming each other n no understanding n trust...
no matter how long t will take or how much i have to bear,
need time to think n ease my mind...
to think of evrything carefully..
but if ue ever finds the right time to tok n meet up,tt'll be better...
i'll be right here waiting for you!
I am sick of making the first move cos i dun even noe whether ue r tinking of me...

Uh hum!
back blogging again finally..
anywae been thinking that this would be the wae for me to pour out my feelings..
But before i even said out abt my feelings,i would like to just give a short posts for 2 of my friends...

Ajan,
It will be hard for ue...
To be living ur life now without ur dad...
It's been 18 years of ur life that ue have spent with him...
No matter how he is during his lifetime,he has been ur dad...
being with ue thruout ur 18 years of life...
Now that he is gone for good,he would definitely wants ue n ur siblings to tc of ur mom...
To be a good son n brother to all ur siblings...
Praying for him is the least that ue can do...
Life have to move on...
Be strong!
No matter how sad i am for ue,i wun be showing it..
I shall sae that i wouldn't want to see any1 of us or ue crying,
for i will shed tears n that will make matter worse...
N thus ajan,i believe ue r strong n ue will take care of urself n the family..
be good n always pray for ur dad's soul...
sendg my condolesence to ur fam n ue...
May god bless ur dad's soul!aamiin!

Zura,
Right...ppl may think this post will be rather unnecessary...
but i guess it does for ue...
When ajan is losing his dad,ue on the other hand is losing ur lovely pet...
Ur cat had benn with ue thruout ur 14 years of life...
altho i have been so phobia towards ur cat n others too,
to look at tit 2 days ago was rather sad...
It makes me down,can't deny...
To have my fat hamster died after onli 1 year plus with us gone..
was a bad one..
what is with ue losing her which have been with ue for 14 years...
whatever it is,be strong...
if ue r sad,so will she...
treasure those memories...

Ouhk...done!it is rather saddening to lose someone or stg precious...
be it forever or not...
so do not bloody compare...
Next,NEVER JUDGE ME!
i repeat,Do not judge me just like that!
I smiled i laughed doesn't mean im fine...
To look at my friends downs have nvr crossed my mind...
No matter how down i m,i have to put on a tough front isn't it?
so yar...indeed do not judge me!
Life has not been great for most of us...
To lose those we love the most...
As i have mentioned earler,whether or not it he or she is leaving us forever,it does make an impact...
I do no want to show that i m down..
As one saes,Someone hu laughs,smiled n crazy always,
are the one hu bears the pains without ppl noeing...
I wish i m strong,iwish i can be as per normal..
I wish ppl can read me...
but no!once it is hidden,no1 will noe....
the pains i bear is rather invisible...
How should i react when love makes a great impact on our life?


Right after some time,this is the post i have been wanting to put up..
n which cuzzie have been waiting for..soriie yeah..
internet was down a few daes ago,to be precised..



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Kamal n aishah's solemnisation dae...
hey guys!hope ue guys will pull thru all ups and downs together...
smuga kekal dmpi ke akhir hayat...
sbar dan terus bersbr...

"sudahlah lau org tknk kwn ngn ko lagy kak...kwn bole carik"quoted from mom's speech..
lost of words when mom said that='(...



missing someone badly...seriously aku sial!
tp what to do....i will definitely throw this feeling out soon..
it's been daes i dreamt abt ue...
n y must it b ue...?ue belong to someone..but this is so different...feel like crying!